Like a city girl in the country.  Like neon running shoes in brown grass and mud.  Like a photographer that doesn’t just want it to be photography.

Ever gotten to a point when you have NOTHING to add?  Nothing to contribute.  Nothing to write.

Or at least you feel like “why in the world would anyone want to hear me ramble about that?”

That is the point I am currently at.  The New Year has rolled in and over and I am still stumped.  I love what I do, don’t get me wrong.  I think it mostly has to do with the fact that I have no idea what to do with myself in the stage of not having much to do.

January and February have no weddings in them.  It boggles my mind.  I am almost caught up on my editing, and my emails are actually not sitting in waiting.

What in the world?

I have done some amazing shoots, that I will be showing off soon…but I am just sitting here thinking…how in THE WORLD do I fill up the rest of the space?

I have millions of ideas floating around in space.  I cannot seem to catch any of them and execute.  Mainly…I’m just tired.  God knew I needed some rest and I wasn’t going to give it to myself, so He literally didn’t book anything for me.  For that I am thankful.

He is still providing for our needs and then some.

This past weekend we were blessed by some sweet friends to go out to the middle of nowhere and play on their ranch.  The boys had a glorious time playing with their girls, shooting guns, throwing rocks, going on “explorations” and even watching daddy kill a deer.

Then yesterday I answered some emails in the AM and then was a mom and a housewife the rest of the day.  WHAT??  Our house is actually back in order, our clothes are washed and put away, the house is “clean” and I got to just have some down time before bed last night instead of working.  Joe was at work all day.  It was a day in the life of how many mom’s live…many of my friends and family who do not work out of the home.  It was glorious.  All you “housewives” out there…ENJOY your life.  You have such a blessing in getting to perform the tasks that make your family tick.  I know it seems mundane and minimal at times.  I know it seems annoying or redundant.  But your tasks and your time that you get to spend with your kiddos is so precious.  Be encouraged in that.

I have no idea which way is better…is there a better or a worse?

I LOVE to work.  I LOVE my clients.  I LOVE the ministry I have found in my job.

I also LOVE time with my boys.  I LOVE feeling like a good wife and mother by cooking, cleaning and supporting my husband.

In this slowdown of my life, I have realized some things.

1.  I want to take on fewer clients in a year.  I want to streamline and really allow for myself to pour wholeheartedly into my couples.

2.  I want to spend so much more time in the word…I want to learn…He has made the Holy Spirit alive in me again…and I am LOVING it.  This is going to mean less attention to the blog…because it really is the only thing I can sacrifice at this stage of life.

3.  I want to be a more attentive mom and wife.  I want to be in the moments.  I want to no longer get annoyed that they are not letting me get my to do list done.  I want to have fun and laugh with them.  They are getting to be so much more fun…I want to relish in it all.

4.  I want to enjoy friends.  Girls that have been placed in my life…something Joe and I have prayed for…friends.

5.  I want to serve…with you all and with my family.  I CANNOT wait to serve.  This is my hot button…my passion…one that you will be getting your ears full of.

2014 is gonna be great.  It is so different than anything in the past 6 years of my business.  It’s changing.  It’s evolving.  Who knows where it will all end up.

But it starts with this real and honest post…one that I have been a little scared to write and has been my stumbling block, because I didn’t want any reader or client to think that I am not totally into what I do for them.  But phew…that felt good to get out of the way.  I feel freedom here now, if you will allow it.

Here’s to 2014…I take your “different” and accept it…show me the route to take and the journey is all yours.  Inspire me.  Guide me.  Show me things everlasting and help me chase after them!