Marriage is hard.  Joe and I will never tell you otherwise.  We have seen many good days and MANY yucky days.  We love marriage, we love eachother, we love our family that marriage has made.

We struggle with pride, we struggle with selfishness, we struggle with contentment.  Don’t we all?  And man oh man marriage brings it all out in the ugliest forms possible.

Joe gets to see all my junk.  He gets my bad WITH my good.  He gets my inner-bit%& WITH my sweetness.  He gets all the leftovers at the end of the day AFTER I have poured myself out to everyone else around me.  And don’t even get me started on bringing children into the whole equation…that is for another day.

This time in our lives has been so sweet.  I have been slow at work with shooting.  I have been able to realize how sweet this is.  God gave us a day of rest…have I EVER taken him up on it?  No.  But I am now, and I am sooooooo resting in all the beauty that it brings.  I have not been too tired to get up in the AM.  I have not been to worn out and frustrated with my days to just take my boys to the park and not get any emailing done.  I have been able to pour out myself…invest in those around us…ask God what we can do for Him each day…not out of pride or vanity, but to truly be His hands and feet.  Glorious…100% glorious.

I had to just get this all out and write this all down so that I, myself, can go back in May when I am psycho again and reread the goodness of peace and rest and remember the bounty that I built up during this time.

Someone asked me this week…”how do you balance it all?”

I don’t.  Ever.

And I am so sorry if I ever lead you to believe that I do.  There are amazing ebbs and flows of it all.  When family life is good, work is suffering…when work is good, family life is suffering…and man the time with the Lord is a whole other can of worms.  I LOVE and hate the fact that this happens for a reason.  But I am thankful for the perspective.  The fact that I know there is no way I can do it on my own…ever…the fact that I realize how good I have it when the going gets tough….the pure fact that I am not in control…He is…He guides my path and my steps…and He is my judgment at the end of the day…no one else.

So lately in the midst of the rest I have been working on checking my motives.  Why am I doing what I am doing…in every aspect of life?

It has been such a good gut check.  The people that have been placed in my life have been placed there for a reason…what am I going to do with that contact work?  How do I act..why do I act that way?  Why does the world these days make us feel like the only way we can impact is if we do something AMAZING…if everyone sees it…if it becomes something with so many followers…how much pride is in that?  Why are we doing it, if those are our motives?

Why can’t we do the small, minimal, mundane things?  The things behind the scenes?  The things that get the job done with no fame or fortune?  Why don’t we?

I have had a hard time justifying in my brain the lack of blogging.  I have had to really hand over that fear of people thinking I am not busy, or I am not working, or I am not interested.  I hate having something and not doing it well.  It is a pet peeve of mine to say I am going to do something and not do it…something I am currently doing with my blog.  I HAVE to let it go.  It is not about me. I do not need to ever write anything here.

Joe and I love to meet together at the beginning of the year and dream and talk.  Honestly this has not happened for us the past couple of years, and those were the hardest years in our family.  So…this January we took the time again to sit down, pray, talk, dream and really feel out a vision from God for our family in 2014.  We ended the night in a fight.  A fight so prideful that I went to bed mad. Something we promised we would never do to eachother.

All that to say that we are not a perfect family.  Sitting down and laying our dreams at the feet of the cross might mean that I have to give up my wants.  And that is really hard.  But getting through that got us on the same page and we are now both super excited for what 2014 has in store.  Not caring what the world says we should be doing…but really pressing our family, our ministries, our businesses towards things eternal.

Next week were are blessed to be able to get away and attend For The Love.  I was so excited to get to attend the first one Ginny ever put on.  It was life changing.  I met some beautiful friends.  I got to see that there are so many others that are just like me in this photography business of mine.  Joe gets to go with me this time…I cannot wait to spend time with him and other amazing people and just breath in the glory of God and rest in His arms.  I know this is such a rare opportunity so I am soaking it all in.  If you get the chance go and check out the website.  If you get the opportunity attend one.   It is an amazing time.

I’m praying for vision.  Vision for ideas I know that He has felt He can hand off to me.  Vision in how He wants me to carry them out.  Vision on how to handle any pride about it.  Vision in who to ask.

I’m so pumped!  Get excited.  This photography business that God has blessed us with is going to be so much more…and you all should be so excited about that too, because it includes you.  So hang tight.  Enjoy where you are.  Pray for BIG opportunities and let’s run this race together!

**Top picture thanks to Brooke Schwab Photography**